I wanna bring you to show and tell
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
