i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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