I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
