I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
