I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
