I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Pants are for mortals
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
