I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
