I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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