I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
