It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
