did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
