forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
