Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
