there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
