Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
