morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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