He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
