see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
