I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
