It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
