is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
