how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
