mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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