Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
