No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
