Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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