Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
