Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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