Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
