I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
