I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize