I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
