Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
