im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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