please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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