My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My life is pants optional.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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