There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
