Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
