Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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