thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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