your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
