There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
