Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
