she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
