I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
