So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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