We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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