I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
