If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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