dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
