he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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