Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
