redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
