I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
