I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
