so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
