Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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