her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
