I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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