if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
