we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize