You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You made out with two different species that night
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
