I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
