Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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