And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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