do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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