I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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