Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
