He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
