i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I deserve this hangover.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
