Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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